Communications for Parent and Child

Practicing Positive Communications for Parent and Child - a collaborative effort from teachers and parents at a parent education meeting.

The following components are necessary for positive communications between parents and children:

· Respect  

1. Human Dignity is enriched and nurtured through communication.

2. Adults need to model gentle, caring communications with each interaction.

3. Our children are watching everything we do and listening to everything we say.  They will behave and speak as we do. 

· Brevity and Clarity

1.  Step away from upsetting situations to calm yourself. 

2.  Decide ahead of time what will be said.

3.  Make statements that don't end with O.K.?
4. Be very clear with your expectations

5.  Say it in less than 3 short sentences.   ( When more words are used the more confused your child gets)

·Consistency

1.  If you say something whether positive or negative make sure that you follow through with it.  Keeping a promise….or keeping a consequence insures that your child will respect you when you ask them to do something next time.

·  Interruptions

1. Help your child know ahead of time that you are going to be working…

2. Lay out and discuss the rules or guidelines before you start so it is very clear what is needed by you.

3. Prepare your child for anything they might need. 

4. Create quiet hand signals that your child can use if an interruption is truly needed.  Make sure it is understood what might be considered an appropriate interruption.

· Eye Contact

1. Always ask for a child’s eye contact when speaking to them about something that is important.  If they can’t give you the contact it is a good chance they are not listening.  Always ask for a response.

· Response

1. Have your child repeat what the instructions are so that you know they understood you.  If they can’t remember then they need to be told again perhaps in a different way.

The following ideas were brought to us by parent suggestions:

-    Manage expectations for the children.

-    During a quiet moment review your child’s behaviors that need attention.

-    List the consequences that match in importance to the behavior.

-    When the behavior occurs always give the child a limited choice of the consequences. 

Use a story format to illustrate what could happen if a child continues with a specific behavior or communication style. 

Peace Rose/ Peace Stick to negotiate interruptions.

            Hand it back and forth.  The person holding the peace rose talks and the other person listens.  The listener responds when the speaker hands the rose back to them.

Stay Calm and if possible neutral !

Children need the time to vent, calm and then express themselves coherently.  Tantrums need to be acknowledged, monitored indirectly, and then talked about afterwards.   Some questions to ask would be: “What would have been a better way to get your needs met? “ 

Use of the couch - When children reach the age of rationalizing (about 4 ½ on up) parents can utilize their living room couch for communicating individuals needs and upsets.   During times of sibling conflict put one child on each end.  Let them know you are listening (to maintain safety).  Give them ten minutes (I suggest setting a timer) to resolve their own issues and discuss it.  If they can’t resolve it let them know you will resolve the issue but that it is almost a guarantee that they won’t like your solution.  As they talk be thinking about what consequence for both of them that you might have to use.  If one child refuses to talk have that child stay on the couch until they decide they are ready to speak openly.  The other child gets to leave until invited back to finish the conversation.

Family meeting time: Once a week over a meal or after a meal everyone gets to meet and say things that are making them happy or upsetting them about “family life” the entire family then brainstorms how to make things work better for all.